Deck 7: Editing: Conciseness

Question 1

Rewrite each paragraph in order to make it more concise
Many authors use the geographical setting of a novel to highlight themes and important ideas. It is noteworthy that in many modern works of detective fiction the setting determines the overall mood and it determines as well the foreshadowing, and also the action to come. Where a novel takes place and the weather can have a great effect on how it makes those who read the book feel and what the readers expect will happen and what they take way from the story. Henning Mankel's books, set in Sweden, do many of these things to foreshadow and build suspense. In one of his books, which he entitled Firewall, many of the chapters begin with the brooding cold and east wind of the fall season and approaching winter of Sweden. The very open, bleak landscape, cold winds, snow and bitter cold of the termperatures sets the atmosphere, builds suspense and highlights the bleak cynicism of the lead chief detective Kurt Wallender and looks forward to the theme about the concern with the loss of traditional Swedish socialist values in the fabric of Swedish society: concern for fellow human beings, equal opportunity and status. It's like the death of the year and the cold of the approaching winter stand for the whole of the Swedish condition in the modern age as it rushes to embrace the very latest computer technology and moves into the new millenium.

Answer 1

Writers of modern detective fiction, like all writers, use setting to set mood, to foreshadow and to highlight themes. Geographical setting and weather can be especially powerful tools. Henning Mankel's books, all set in Sweden, and especially Firewall, use the open, bleak geography and the long, dark, cold Swedish winter to highlight both the bleak cynicism of detective Kurt Wallender and what he perceives as the impending loss of traditional Swedish socialist values: concern for fellow human beings, equal opportunity and status sacrificed to the modern rush to embrace the new technologically driven millenium.

Question 2

Rewrite each paragraph in order to make it more concise
With the National Ballet's impending move to new quarters soon, attention has also been focused to a greater degree than usual on the Royal Winnipeg Ballet. The Royal Winnipeg Ballet originally had its origins in a ballet club with its organization started in 1938 by means of two immigrant English dance teachers. Its first public appearance before an audience was to a specialized audience in a pageant appearance for a royal visit to Winnipeg by the King and Queen of England, King George IV and Queen Elizabeth. The visit took place in June, 1939, and the pageant was a planned part of the royal visit. Although the Winnipeg Ballet Company became the first ballet company in the Commonwealth to be granted a royal charter, because of the fact that there was a disastrous and damaging fire which destroyed much of their costumes, props, music and performance space, it almost was destroyed as a ballet company a year later. Years later, at this point in time, the Royal Winnipeg Ballet Company of Dancers is known for what many critics have called "prairie-freshness," but, also for a widely diverse repertoire, performing many different styles of ballet in a touring company that has relatively few dancers and is not by any means large.

Answer 2

The Royal Winnipeg Ballet is also getting a fair amount of attention because of the National Ballet's impending move to new facilities. The Royal Winnipeg began with a ballet club, organized by two English immigrant dance teachers, in 1938. The Company's first public appearance was a pageant appearance during a visit to Winnipeg by King George IV and Queen Elizabeth in 1939. The Royal Winnipeg Ballet was the first ballet company in the Commonwealth to be granted a royal charter. Only a year later the entire resources of the company were almost completely destroyed by fire. Today, the small touring company is known for what many call a "prairie-freshness," and for a widely diverse repertoire.

Question 3

Rewrite each paragraph in order to make it more concise
Due to the fact that the National Ballet of Canada is preparing to stage its last season at the Hummingbird Centre in Toronto, its founding and history have become the focus of much national attention. The driving force at all times in the early years behind the world-famous company was Celia Franca. Celia Franca's energy and drive was also behind the gaining of a national mandate for the National Ballet. Celia Franca and other ballet enthusiasts began the company by drawing dancers from across the country, touring across the country, and, therefore, furthering the creation of a 'national base' for the company of dancers. Celia Franca and her directors, in point of fact, also insisted on staging the 'classics', and in preforming the 'classics'; they also insisted on the dancers living up to the most demanding, internationally-accepted standards. By virtue of the fact that they had little financial support, they could not tour their stage performances as often as they thought would have been appropriate. Founding of the National Ballet School in 1959, for the purpose of training dancers in order to meet these internationally-accepted standards, and the adoption of the O'Keefe Centre (now known as the Hummingbird Centre) in Toronto, in the final analysis, gave the foundation needed for the company to establish itself fully.

Answer 3

As the National Ballet of Canada prepares to stage its last season at the Hummingbird Centre in Toronto, the focus has been turned to its founding and history. Celia Franca was, from the beginning, the driving force behind the world-famous company and its gaining of a national mandate. She and other ballet enthusiasts drew dancers from across the country, creating a 'national base.' The original directors insisted on staging the 'classics' and living up to the most demanding internationally-accepted standards. However, little financial support limited both travel and performances. The founding of the National Ballet School in 1959, and the move to the O'Keefe Centre, now known as the Hummingbird Centre, finally gave the company a home base.

Question 4

Rewrite each paragraph in order to make it more concise

-London, Ontario was originally reserved by John Graves Simcoe in 1793 for the reason that he thought it would be a good place for a provincial capital. Formal settlement, with people arriving and starting to farm and starting businesses in the town, was started in 1826. Shortly after the town was beginning to be settled, the courthouse building, which looks like a fortress, due to the fact that it is stone and has crenellated towers, was built. The Rebellion of 1837-1838 prompted the need for large numbers of many troops to be stationed in London, and so London, by virtue of the fact that it had many soldiers stationed there, became known as a "garrison town." Being incorporated as a town in 1855, and for the reason that it was situated on good transportation lines, with many road and rail connections, London's business and commercial growth really started to grow. London's nineteenth-century houses, which were constructed using distinctive yellow bricks and "keyhole" windows, form a surrounding circular area around the downtown commercial and business section. London is also known as the "forest city," due to the many trees and many varieties of trees in many parks and on tree-lined streets. Although not the provincial capital, as intended by Simcoe, London is a thriving city which has an active arts community, major commercial enterprises, large businesses, and big industries, and it also has a large and vital university community, which contributes to its overall vitality.

Question 5

Rewrite each paragraph in order to make it more concise
Voice lessons have not come up to my expectations of what they should be. I thought Professor Rosman's methods, goals, and repertoire would be predictable, conservative and stuffy. I didn't think those methods, goals and repertoire would be startling, different and thoroughly unconventional. I knew Rosman's methods were unusual at my first lesson when I first began taking them in September of 1990. I knew that when he asked me to pretend that I could only make grunts and that I had no control of my jaw muscles. Another time I knew his methods were unusual when I had to say "Unique New York" as I sang scales. At one lesson I even had to sing all my songs with "brr" as my only word. But Rosman's goals for me were not for all intents and purposes to make me sound like an opera singer. Rosman wanted me to enjoy singing. He taught this way due to the fact that he wanted me to learn good technique. Good technique included learning to support my voice with good air flow, and to sing the words as I would speak them. Because I wanted to sound like a torch singer with a big band, he didn't make me sing opera or art songs. In my opinion, however, the Italian and French songs he had me sing greatly helped to stretch my voice's range and build my repertoire. Voice lessons have thus not come up to my expectations by virtue of the fact that they were not what I expected, but unexpectedly fun.

Question 6

Rewrite each paragraph in order to make it more concise
Canada's Manitoulin Island is the largest freshwater island in the world. Manitoulin's shoreline is extremely irregular and varied, and it has many interior lakes within its coasts. The original Aboriginal inhabitants appear to have been the Ottawa, and the island became in the 1830's the centre of Indian administration for northern Ontario. In 1862, the provincial government bought the land and sold it to settlers arriving to clear farms and establish themselves. The Aboriginal people were relegated to relatively small reserves. The main economic activity on the island originally was farming, even though the island is only fertile for farming in some areas. Logging and fishing were also major industries; however, since the 1920's fishing and logging have declined and tourism is now the principal activity along with farming which is still done in many parts of the island. The name of Manitoulin Island comes from the Indian name for the great spirit, 'Manitou' due to the fact that this is the spirit who is said to dwell on the island and it is also the name of one of the biggest lakes on the island.

Question 7

Rewrite each paragraph in order to make it more concise
Lacrosse has for a long period of time been thought to be Canada's national game, due to the fact that a French missionary to Canada's Aboriginal people, Jean de Brébeuf, is thought to have named it lacrosse for the reason that the sticks that were being used by the players made him think of bishops' crosses, or 'croziers,' hence "la crosse," and also because of the fact that in 1867 in Kingston, an organization called the National Lacrosse Organization was formed. Lacrosse was, at this point in time, most certainly the most widely-played game nationally, but was subsequently replaced in the early decades afterwards by baseball, football, and hockey. Although Brébeuf, a European, named the game for the sticks that the players were using, the players themselves, who were the Aboriginal peoples, had their own name for the game, a name which focused not on the sticks, but on the balls. That name was "baggataway," a name having its derivation from the Ojibwa word "paqaadowewin," a word that means "ball." Lacrosse is now played indoors, in an indoor arena the size of a hockey arena, in fact, usually in hockey arenas, but originally, the Aboriginal peoples did not play it indoors, but they played it outdoors, and the game they played would last for days. The game of lacrosse, at the present time, is having an increase in interest paid to it, with the biggest lacrosse associations in the provinces of British Columbia and Ontario.

Question 8

Rewrite each paragraph in order to make it more concise
Tom Thomson, one of the Group of Seven, is remembered to some extent due to the fact that he died in mysterious circumstances, almost as much as he is remembered for his incredible, joyous, colourful paintings of Ontario's north. Thomson had made many visits to Algonquin Park in Northern Ontario, and was an accomplished canoeist; however, he appears to have drowned in Algonquin Park when he went out to fish and never returned. His upturned and abandoned canoe was discovered late in the day of July 8, 1917, and his body was recovered eight days later. Perhaps his paintings seem even more intense because of his untimely and unexpected drowning. Some of his most famous paintings are of the area in which he likely drowned, an area typical of Algonquin Park, water, rock, pine, the elements one sees most often in his paintings. In point of fact, Thomson's early paintings , while technically adept, like most of the Group of Seven to which he belonged, only vaguely prefigure the vigorous abstract intensity of his later work. The haunting quality of the talent that was cut off in its full flower of potential fills his mature work.