Essentials of Business Communication 10th Edition by Dana Loewy,Mary Ellen Guffey

Exercise 19

The following serious message requests information, but its poor organization and other writing faults prevent it from accomplishing its goal.
Your Task. Analyze this message and list at least five writing weaknesses. If your instructor directs, revise the message using the suggestions you learned in this and previous chapters.
To: [e-mail]
From: [e-mail]
Subject: Inquiry
Cc:
Bcc :
Dear Sir:
I am a physician in a small medical practice, and I am worried about protecting patients' medical information. Your website (SecuritySpecialists.com) looks quite promising but I found it overwhelming. I could not find answers to my specific questions, so I am writing this message to ask them. Could you call me within the next two days? I'm usually in surgery until 4 p.m. most days and try to leave at 6 p.m.
First, as I mentioned heretofore, my practice is small. Do you have experience in working with small medical practices? We may already have experienced a security breach. When you investigate, if you find out that privacy laws have been broken, do you report them to government agencies immediately?
We're really extremely interested in how you investigate an incident that may have taken place. If you discover a privacy breach, do you help your client make notification to his patients who are affected? Additionally, are you discreet about it? I look forward to hearing from you.
Jeremy Chen, M.D.
List at least five weaknesses of this message.