Essentials of Business Communication 10th Edition by Dana Loewy,Mary Ellen Guffey

Exercise 25

The following message responds to the inquiry in Radical Rewrite 6.1. Dr. Chen asks for information about dealing with a data breach at his medical firm. Mr. Vance, from Security Specialists, wants to respond briefly and answer more fully in a telephone conversation with Dr. Chen. However, the following direct response is disorganized and needs a radical rewrite to be effective in achieving its goal. Study the following poorly written message, list its weaknesses, and revise it if your instructor directs.
To: [e-mail]
From: [e-mail]
Subject: Data Breaches
Cc:
Bcc:
Dear Dr. Chen:
We have received your inquiry, which has been directed to me for response. I can assure you that our company can do what you want in the way of cyber security, data breach response, and incident analysis solutions. We are specialists. You asked some specific questions, such as having experience with smaller medical establishments. I can assure you that, yes, we certainly do have such experience. Even with limited resources, smaller companies will benefit from basic security awareness training in a manner related to how to properly handle, store, and the processing of patient health information.
In regard to any incident that may have already occurred, we are experienced at investigating incidents, we analyze clues, and we can quickly and defensively uncover critical information. In regard to notifying patients of any breach, we assure you that we can give discreet breach notification that is prompt and we also customize it for your business. However, I must warn you in advance that if we become aware of any wrongdoing, we must notify any applicable government or law enforcement agencies because we are obligated to do so. But I can assure you that such notification is hardly ever necessary. We can discuss your concerns more extensively by telephone. Thank you for your interest in Security Specialists.
Warren E. Vance
[Full contact information]
List at least five weaknesses of this message.